7 Signs It's Time to See a Therapist for Your Anxiety: A Guide for Fertility Clients in Ontario

When you find yourself going through fertility challenges, it can be overwhelming and emotionally draining. Whether you are naturally trying to conceive or you have moved to IUI, IVF, or other investigations, anxiety may take a toll on your emotional well-being.  While it's natural to feel anxious during such a deeply personal experience, there are times when everyday worry crosses into more significant anxiety, and professional support may be needed. Here are 7 signs that it might be time to consider seeing a therapist to address your anxiety.

1. Worry That Feels Beyond Your Control.

It's normal to feel anxious at times.  Anxiety can help us recognize what is important to us or when we feel threatened by something. The uncertainty of fertility outcomes can cause fear and discomfort. However, when worry becomes all-consuming and persists throughout the day—despite efforts to ignore it - it shows your anxiety has become more than just a temporary response. If you are fixating on "what ifs" to the point where it's affecting your daily life, a therapist can help you explore and process these persistent thoughts and help you manage by developing healthier coping strategies.

2. Avoidance of Situations or Conversations

When anxiety becomes overwhelming, it may lead you to avoid situations which feel triggering.  This can happen in subtle ways, like not wanting to see families with small children, hear conversations about pregnancy, or see pregnancy announcements on social media. You find yourself wanting to decline invitations to baby showers, avoiding social gatherings where “talk about children” might come up, or delaying important fertility appointments. While avoidance can provide temporary relief, it might actually increase your anxiety over time. A therapist can help you face these fears in a controlled and supportive environment, and help you prepare mentally to face challenging situations.

3. Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety doesn’t just affect your mind; it can take a serious toll on your body as well. A common sign of anxiety is experiencing sleep disturbances like trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early.   Other physical symptoms might be stomach issues, muscle tension, fatigue, or bad headaches.  You may feel tense or jittery.  In a 2015 meta-analysis by Fredericksen et al., researchers indicated “anxiety is a state of arousal, which over time is physically and mentally stressful for the individual [and] reducing distress, anxiety in particular, may increase the physiological ability to cope with stress and advance the possibility of [pregnancy].¹   Your body may be telling you your anxiety is reaching a level that requires professional support. When you are feeling overwhelmed, a therapist can offer a safe space to talk about your worries, and help you learn strategies to support both your mind and physical body.

4. Difficulty Concentrating or Making Decisions

When you're feeling anxious, it’s hard to focus on work, conversations, social events, or even reading a good book.  You may have difficulty concentrating on tasks at work, feel forgetful, or have trouble making decisions. When you're struggling to think clearly, it can create even more stress, leading to a negative cycle.  A therapist can work with you to break this cycle through cognitive strategies which help you slow down your racing mind and have some control over your decisions.

5. Intrusive Thoughts or Fears

It’s natural to be worried when you are struggling to have a baby. So much is not within your control.  You may have intrusive thoughts—unwanted, distressing images or worries that pop into your mind out of nowhere. Whether it’s imagining worst-case scenarios about your treatments or obsessing over tiny details, intrusive thoughts can feel impossible to escape. If you find yourself helpless to these thoughts or they are interfering with your ability to function, it's a sign of significant anxiety. Therapy can offer tools to manage and challenge these intrusive thoughts, allowing you to regain a sense of calm.

6. Changes in Your Mood or Emotional Reactions

Fertility challenges can be described as “an emotional roller coaster.”  Anxiety can lead to emotional shifts such as irritability, feelings of hopelessness, jealousy, or deep sadness. Psychosocial support can lead to decreased levels of anxiety and emotional imbalance.² If you find that your mood is more unpredictable than usual or you're reacting to situations in ways that feel uncomfortable, it may be time to speak to a counsellor. Fertility counselling can provide a safe space to process these intense emotions in a healthy way.

7. Isolation and Lack of Support

Fertility challenges can bring feelings of isolation, being left behind, or feeling you are a failure or your body is broken. You’re not sure who to talk to, because no one seems to understand what you are going through. You may have challenges communicating with your partner. A fertility therapist can offer a non-judgmental and understanding space to help you work through feelings of isolation and loneliness. They can also help you find ways to talk with your partner, family, and friends.

Conclusion

If you're navigating the challenges of fertility—whether it’s anxiety, grief, or the emotional toll it takes on your mental health—know you're not alone. If any of these feelings resonate with you, I specialize in fertility-related anxiety and grief through my Ontario-based virtual practice. I offer compassionate, non-judgemental talk therapy to listen, support, and help you through your journey. Reach out to Deanna@smartsensecounselling.com to find a safe space where you can explore your thoughts, learn coping strategies, and process the emotional challenges of your fertility experience.

1. Frederiksen Y, Farver-Vestergaard I, Skovgård NG, Ingerslev HJ, Zachariae R. Efficacy of psychosocial interventions for psychological and pregnancy outcomes in infertile women and men: a systematic review and meta-analysis. BMJ Open. 2015 Jan 28;5(1):e006592. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2014-006592. PMID: 25631310; PMCID: PMC4316425.      (Anxiety is a state of arousal, which over time is physically and mentally stressful for the individual.¹⁷ Reducing distress, anxiety in particular, may increase the physiological ability to cope with stress and advance the possibility of impregnation.)

2. Heredia A, Padilla F, Castilla JA, Garcia-Retamero R. Effectiveness of a psychological intervention focused on stress management for women prior to IVF. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2020 Apr;38(2):113-126. doi: 10.1080/02646838.2019.1601170. Epub 2019 Apr 16. PMID: 30990057.